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1
Posted by:
debecca 06/03/2003 at
13:14
The jokes thread has got me thinking about all the terrible maths jokes I know. I'll post them here (sorry, most of them are AWFUL) - does anyone else know any others?
Q. What's the integral of 1/cabin d(cabin)?
A. Log cabin by the sea.
Q. Two cats on a roof. Which one fell off first?
A. The one with the smallest mew.
Q. What do you get if you cross an orange and a banana?
A. Mod orange mod banana sin theta.
Q. What do you get if you cross a mountain with the bloke trying to climb it?
A. You can't cross them; the mountain climber's a scalar.
Q. What's purple and commutative?
A. An abelian grape.
Yes, told you they were awful. Sorry.
Becca xx
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Noah's Ark lands after The Flood and Noah releases all the animals, saying, "Go forth and multiply." Several months pass and Noah decides to check up on the animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. "What's the problem?" asks Noah. "Cut down some trees and let us live there," say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass and Noah checks up on the snakes again. He sees lots of little snakes; everybody is happy. Noah says, "So tell me how the trees helped." "Certainly," reply the snakes. "We're adders, and we need logs to multiply."
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Two male mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.
The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer one third x cubed.
She repeats "one thir -- dex cue"?
He repeats "one third x cubed".
Her: `one thir dex cuebd'? Yes, that's right, he says. So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, "one thir dex cuebd...".
The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over the waitress and asks "what is the integral of x squared?".
The waitress says "one third x cubed" and while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder "plus a constant!"
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4
Posted by:
markuss 06/03/2003 at
23:33
American Indian tribe. Chief has three wives. Also has very expensive hippopotamus skin - luxury item on which he excercises conjugal rites and rights with best wife. Other two wives sleep on immaterial material. All in same teepee, side by side.
In course of time wife one bears chief a child, wife two bears twins, but favourite wife produces triplets.
Yes the squaw on the hippopotamus equals the sum of the squaws on the two adjacent hides.
(From an English teacher.)
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Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
There are three kinds of people in the world; those who can count and those who can't.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary math, and those who don't.
"The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again."
Q: how many times can you subtract 7 from 83, and what is left afterwards?
A: I can subtract it as many times as I want, and it leaves 76 every time.
Q: Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"?
A: Because he left a residue at every pole.
Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician?
A: Probably....
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
Math and Alcohol don't mix, so... PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE
Q: Why didn't Newton discover group theory?
A: Because he wasn't Abel.
How do you prove in three steps that a sheet of paper is a lazy dog?
1. A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane.
2. An inclined plane is a slope up.
3. A slow pup is a lazy dog.
A geometer went to the beach to catch the rays and became a TanGent.
Q. How many mathematicians does it take to replace a light bulb?
A. Ten: One to do it and eight to watch.
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6
Posted by:
Shifter 07/03/2003 at
16:01
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In a bar there were three people: a mathematician, a statistician and an accountant. They were each asked in turn, "what is 2 + 2?" The matematician of course replies '4'The Statistician answered 'it depends on the amount of people you ask, taking into account variables, but more or less the answer is 4.' The accountant immediately closes all the blinds, shuts the doors and dims the lights before asking 'what would you like it to add up to?'
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7
Posted by:
ian60 07/03/2003 at
16:14
This isn't a joke, but it summed up what made maths funny to a me and a mate of mine during our PGCE (a long time ago)
His Analysis lecturer arrived at the hall and proceeded to demonstrate an eloborate proof on the board. Between two lines he wrote the 'trivial' justification.
He then pondered... left the lecture hall and wasn't to be seen for three days. he then appeared as he was timetabled, and continued the proof muttering that it was indeed 'trivial'
That's my sort of maths lecturer!
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8
Posted by:
Jamie S. 07/03/2003 at
17:04
Whilst we're briefly on the subject of 'non-jokes', guess how 3 of my Year 13s working together decided to solve x^2 - 1 = 0 today? Yep, a=1, b=0, c=-1...
Yours, in tears
Jamie
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My year 13 further maths group loved all the jokes in 1 and 2. They wish me to point out that the two cats on a roof has to be two cows on a roof where they come from! Ah pronunciation!!
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10
Posted by:
Shemma 10/03/2003 at
16:31
I have to say I completely don't get the cats joke. Could anyone explain?
Yours, in stupidity
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