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I did my Probationary year during the 08/09 session. I think it was around this time- mid October- that I found myself constantly trawling through S1jobs.com, looking for a way out. I did not understand what stress was until I started teaching. I was to learn that it is a chemical- like sulphuric acid or soap- a physical, tangible thing that exists within our bodies and which can be removed and placed in a jar. There must have been about a thousand gallons of the stuff streaming around my body during that term. I too was constantly stressed and miserable. My life was basically on hold for the first four or five months of my probationary year- I was uable to function normally because of the constant feelings of unease that I was experiencing. My PT was very unsupportive, and resented the fact that he had acquired a nervous wreck of a probationer. He couldn't be bothered with me, and it was painfully obvious that I was not welcome in the department. My classes were taking the piss out of me at every turn because I could not control them, nor was I able to teach them in the manner that they deserved. I was a wreck, a shambles, a complete and utter disaster zone. I am living, breathing proof that even for the worst, most desperate cases of probationers not being to handle their new role as a teacher, things can get better. I have now been teaching for a few years in various Glasgow schools, and I am now very comfortable in the classroom environment, good with the kids and staff alike, and I now think that I am good at my job. I hated teaching. Hated it with a passion. I now love it, and can't imagine doing anything else. Stick it out- things may well start to turn around for you somewhat later on in the year.
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